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A Woman Alive

November 2nd, 2015

When You Really Mean “NO.”

By Diane

A-dishonest-yes-is-a-no-to-yourself.I am spending some time at my desk this weekend preparing for a Stress Management workshop I am teaching on Tuesday. In the process of doing some additional research on the causes of stress I came across this great quote by William James, “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

How often have you made the choice to say “yes” to someone when you really wanted to say “no”? It can be extremely difficult to say “no.” When we answer with a dishonest “yes” we end up triggering additional stress and zapping our energy. The dishonest “yes” can cause us to get frustrated at ourselves and lead to resentment toward the other person.

There a myriad of reasons WHY we choose to say “yes” instead of the honest “no” – we want to make others happy, we don’t want to hurt peoples’ feelings, we feel guilty or selfish for letting others down, we may feel a sense of duty or responsibility and often we are just caught off guard and blurt out “yes” before we have taken time to think about it.
Learning how to make the choice to say “no” in a positive and assertive manner is an important step to managing your stress and energy.

Question: Can you get this project done for me by the end of the day?

Answer: Yes – I would like to get the project completed as soon as possible, but I have some other priorities I have to get done first. I can have the project completed by noon tomorrow.

Question: We are all going out to dinner later, can you join us?

Answer: Yes, I would really enjoy coming but I already made a commitment to have dinner with my family.

Question: Can we set up a phone call for 12 noon today?

Answer: Yes – this is an important call but I am not available today at noon. I can make myself available between 3 pm to 5 pm.

This positive twist on saying “no” validates the importance of the request, while honoring the importance of staying true to yourself and being honest with others.

Stress, even sweating the small stuff, can ZAP YOUR ENERGY! Learn more about where you may zapping your energy….  Once you have taken the quiz you will receive weekly tips and tools for re-energizing and managing stressful moments!

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